A Crossroads

I’ve been debating for some time now whether or not to let writing go. I keep thinking to myself that writing has been such a huge part of my life for the last five years when in all honesty that number is probably more like three. Still three years is a long time. But in those three years I’ve published and unpublished four books. I’ve written, published, unpublished, re-edited, renamed, republished, all to do it over again. If I was truly being honest with myself I would just admit that while I have some good story ideas I can’t actually get the words down to where a lot of readers would actually pick up my book, read it, and love it. Frankly, I’m horrible at details! Horrible! And let’s face it the details is what helps the reader connect to the book. Well, most readers, I HATE when a book gives too many details. It drives me crazy! Just get with the story line people!

Plus, to publish a book ‘right’ it takes close to $1,000 just to get it published. Let’s face it, writing the book is the easy part it’s what comes next that kills you. Editing runs anywhere from $200 to $500 depending on length of the book. Then there’s proofreading which can run you about the same. If you want a good professional cover you are looking at close to $150 minimum. Then there’s all the promoting you have to do once it’s published. Most bloggers/reviewers charge a fee, buying paperbacks so you can do giveaways with, offering everything short of your first-born just to get people to review your book and actually review it is a high possibility. All of it costs money I just don’t have. Then publishers won’t even give you a second thought unless you have a huge following but the only way to gain a huge following is to have good books out there. It’s a vicious never-ending cycle, one I just don’t know if I can continue with.

Anyway, I’m not really getting anywhere as an author so maybe it’s time to find something else for me. I must have more in my life than my day job. If that is all I have I would lose my mind. I’m a closeted creative person. Meaning, I’m creative in my head but when push comes to shove I kind of suck at it. I read that it’s best to start of list of your interests and hobbies and go from there when you are in search of your next ‘thing’. Yeah, that went a lot like this, interest = coffee, hobby = drinking coffee. When someone figures out how I can turn my love for coffee into something please let me know.

So now I’m sitting here in my self loathing pajamas, eating the biggest Reese’s egg I could find, and wishing I had a cocktail in my hand while Gilmore Girls plays in the background. I’m not at rock bottom but I’m damn close.

I’ll keep blogging for now because I really do love it. I may just be talking to myself but at least I’m putting something out there which helps me stay sane. This may just end up becoming a lifestyle blog instead of an author blog/page. We’ll see where it goes or where inspiration leads me. I really do love the book community so I’ll definitely still be involved one way or another.

I never felt like I would be mediocre in life but now I’m beginning to wonder. My life in general isn’t mediocre. I do have a wonderful husband, great kids, a day job that I don’t hate, and a very supportive and loving family. My husband showers me with love, we get to travel, and really I don’t need or want for much of anything. Yeah, my life could be a million times worse which just makes me feel like a bitch at this point. But everyone should have that one thing they are good at or decent at or something. I guess at 35 I’m still in search of mine.

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Thanks for reading. Perhaps you follow along on this journey of mine and if so then Bless You.

And seriously, if you discover a way of having coffee as a specialty (without opening a café because if I don’t have the money to publish a book then I sure as hell don’t have the money to open a café) then drop me a line! 😉

Hugs!

~Amber

 

3 thoughts on “A Crossroads

  1. Rhonda says:

    You are awesome at everything you do! I Know what you should do about your predicament! Love of coffee and an awesome cook…combine them and start a recipe blog, COOKING WITH JAVA💡

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melody says:

    Do what your heart says you don’t have to stop writing. When the voices speak let it go. I cherish everything you have written. And feel true privilege of getting to know you as both and author and a friend

    Liked by 1 person

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